The recovery process for physical or sexual abuse survivors requires a multifaceted therapeutic process, facilitated by a professional who is trained in mind, body, spirit healing. Traditional therapy is not effective for physical or sexual abuse recovery. WHAT TO DO: " DO learn about abuse aftereffects and the healing process. " DO use and encourage the Survivor to use empowering language. " DO help the Survivor make choices. " DO validate feelings. " DO encourage therapy for the Survivor, and possibly yourself. Separately and together. " Do learn and practice effective communication techniques. " Do learn and practice assertive communication skills. " DO learn and practice time-out skills. " DO respect boundaries and limits. " DO communicate openly about sexuality. " DO allot time and resources for the healing process. " DO learn to play. " DO allot time to be together. " DO allot time to be apart. " DO serve as a healthy role model. " Do blame the offender(s), NOT the Survivor. " DO plan for crises (including possibly suicidal thoughts). " DO be honest about your feelings. " DO acknowledge progress in the healing process. " DO reinforce strengths of the Survivor and the relationship. " DO believe in the Survivor and in the healing process. WHAT TO AVOID: " Avoid taking the Survivor's outbursts personally. " Avoid being a martyr. " Avoid isolating yourself, even though, the Survivor is. " Avoid humoring the Survivor into cheerfulness. " Avoid insisting the Survivor forgive and forget. " Avoid overwhelming the Survivor with your own anger/frustration regarding the abuse. " Avoid making pronouncements regarding a "cure" or insist the Survivor hurry the healing process. " Avoid setting timetables or give ultimatums to the Survivor. " Avoid giving the Survivor your version how s/he needs to heal. |
